Well it's that time of the year again. The menstrual cycle of sports is upon us. Major League Baseball kicks off it's summer long doldrums today, boring us with excruciating SportsCenter highlights and blabber. Choking us with "amazing plays" and ferocious pitching stats, and all the other shit that makes baseball so pathetic.
With the speed the world moves at these days, with 4 going on 14G networks to shuttle mindless amounts of mostly useless information back and forth between iPhones, laptops and other online gadgets, it's amazing that anybody has the time to sit around eating Cracker Jack and swatting flies for three hours; waiting longer between pitches than it takes to download a feature length film to you iPad, that ultimately just ends up in the glove of a catcher anyway. Go do that at home with your son for ten minutes and call it a day.
How can someone who spends their day getting all the information they need, from all over the world, faster than Super Man can think, sit down at the end of the day and enjoy something that moves slower than a lazy snail on ludes? Hell, we can't even wait for an erection in this country, how are we supposed to wait for someone to cross the plate?
Well, the answer is, they can't. Technology moves faster than baseball. Nobody has time to wait for their pitch anymore.
It's no surprise that over the past ten years Little League registrations have dropped by about 20% per year, while Hockey, basketball, football and Lacrosse no less, have all increased. It's all about speed. Kids don't want to sit in the outfield daydreaming in a hot sun all day when they can be playing something that moves faster; something like their Xbox or Play Station.
Pretty soon baseball will end up being outsourced to the Dominican Republic. The Santiago Padres have a nice, and let's be honest, more fitting ring to it.
How long until baseball goes the way of the horse and buggy; played only in small, isolated communities that don't believe in electricity or Wi-Fi? How long before the talent pool is so diluted that teams will have to choose captains and pick sides? Twenty years maybe?
Not soon enough I say.
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